Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lessons Learned

While my year in review is still being formulated I realized there's something else that has happened to me that's not necessarily fit for my year in reveiw. This year, with the lenght of time it's taking us to get pregnant, I've learned that sometimes even the most welling meaning family and friends just have no idea what it's like to what a baby so bad and not be able to make it happen. Most of the women in my family and hubz' family have or have had kids and with no problems making it happen. So while they mean well with their words of wisdom and what not they just have no clue! No clue how it feels month in and month out to know the tell tell signs of AF arrival. How after a while you start actually feeling a bit of relife when AF does come because it puts you one month closer to the year mark when you can start trying to get some answers. How every time a friend or family member tells you they're pregnant you smile like your suppose and congratulate them all while another little piece of your heart breaks.

Somthing else I've learned that a good cry does a lot to help you move onto the next month. I use to throw week long pity parties, but now the day I know AF is here I have a good cry throw my pity party and move on because like people are constantly reminding there's not really much I can do about it. I can't wish AF back to pits of hell or hate myself anymore than I already do for this continuous failure.

By far the biggest lesson I've learned this year, the last 10 months really, is that my need for control is totally relenquished when it comes to making this happen, OBVIOUSLY otherwise it'd already be a done deal. I have no say in if and when it will happen, as much as it chaps my ass! So month after month I just sit back and watch as my hopes and dreams of a family get pushed back into the future further and further.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Weekend Away

We took a much needed weekend away this past weekend. We went to Jersey to visit an old college friend of mine and her husband. Though I wish we had been able to get there earlier on Friday, but you know what they say about the best laid plans, we still had a good visit. She was one of my best friends in college, even after she transfered home after fall semester of our sophomore year, and we've kept in touch ever since there. She can always make me laugh and see the positive in things and that's definately what I needed this weekend as I realized that we're only 3 months to the one year mark of TTC and then we can start figuring out if one or both of us is broken or what! And as I've made a vow to not dwell on it for the holidays that's all I have to say about.

Now we're back and with only one week left of classes for both hubz and I things are gonna be a little hectic until next weekend. I have two papers to write in the next week and half as well as a presentation to go with one of those papers. Hubz has a field trip and a paper about the field trip to do...I'm pretty sure he'll leave it until the last minute like he did the last one. Then we've got a nice break until classes start up again in January. My winter classes are both online so I have a very open schedule that I'm hopefully going to fill with so aerobics at our local rec center so I can lose some weight for my sisters wedding in May. We're just about ready for Christmas, the step-son is done and I'm just about done with hubz, then it's my parents and hubz' dad, my brother and two nephews! I'm hoping to finish this weekend but we'll see.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving and Christmas beginnings

Thanksgiving was low key this year. My sister and brother-in-law that got married in September hosted this year, it's kind of like a little tradition to host either Thanksgiving or Christmas the year you get married. There were only 7 of us: me, hubz, the step-son, SIL, BIL, nephew and MIL. It was nice though because Christams is going to CRAZY! I drank a little to much wine, like 1/2 a bottle two much, I should have stopped 1/2 way through the second bottle instead of finishing it. However, 2 bottles of wine and six hours of sleep later, for a 550 am wake-up, I was up and shopping. SIL and I have been doing black friday shopping for a couple of years now and I love it. I can normally get all 12 nieces and nephews done and the step-son and hubz about 1/2 way's great! The rest of the weekend was nice with nothing to do but sleep in and lounge around which is exactly what we did.

Now it's on to Christmas and all the holiday has to bring. Like family, the birth of Christ and the joys of Christmas in general. With hubz out of work this Christams we're only gifting nieces, nephews and parents and then each other and the step-son. I'm sad about it b/c there's nothing I love more than giving presents but what can we do really? We're also hosting dinner at our house this year and rather then a buffet where we find a seat where ever we can we're having a sit down. The table have been gotten and now we have to figure out the chair situation and see how many of the family will be joining us. It should be fun, exhausting and fulfilling. Hubz and my family's are both very different but I love any opportunity we can have to get us all together in one place. Our families shape us and to have all 20+ of us together for a least on holiday a year makes me happy.