Thursday, November 19, 2009

Another Month...

So I'm one more closer to the one year mark. AF is on her way and should be here by the end of the day or early tomorrow. I had a good cry before work this morning and now I'm just trying to get through the day. I always used to be that girl who would tell those having problems TTC that they just needed to relax and let it happen, but now that it's me I realize that even though those words were coming from a good place they're hurtful. Unless you've struggle with having a baby you don't understand the pain you feel every month when AF rears her ugly head. My heart literaly breaks every month when my temp falls, when I'm temping, or I start spotting because I know exactly what's coming next.

So here I sit staring month 9 in the eye and all I can think is that if I had gotten PG the first month we'd have a baby sometime soon. Instead I'm planning a second Christmas, this year hosted by us, in our house with no baby to call my own. All while people around me get PG, are PG or are getting ready to welcome new additions into thier families in the next few weeks. It breaks my heart because while I'm happy for all of them I want what they have and don't know one way or the other if I'll ever have it.

Now I wait for a positive or a negative next month so that I can move one more month closer to the one year mark and finding out some answers. I pray and I'm thankful that I learned a long time ago that life's not always fair because it makes dealing with the monthly disappointment easier.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


This weekend was a weekend of finallys. The Redskins finally played like a team with some heart! I got to go to the game with my mom Sunday because the little bro was at the sleepover so glad I didn't miss that game. It was good, at little questionable at the beginning, but good!

My sister finally found her wedding dress! It's beautiful and she's going to be stunning in it! I can't believe my little sister is getting married! We still have tons to do but by finding her dress one of the big things can finally be checked off the list.

My Org Behavior teacher finally graded my first paper from week 2! I got an 'A' so I can't complain but I wish she'd had that graded before we turned in our second paper because all the stuff I had wrong on the first one, as far as format goes, is wrong on the second one. I'm hoping that doesn't affect my grade.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Veteran's Day

Yesterday I spent the day working on a paper for Finance and also being thankful for the soliders in my life as well as those who have fought or fight everyday for our freedom as well as their families. As a child of a retired Army solider I know the sacrafice that is being part of a military family. Thankfully my dad was never sent off to war but today in a time when we are fighting multiple wars in multiple countries I have known what it's like to worry for the safety of the ones you love who have choosen to serve our country. Most days it's a thankless job...long days, endless hours and time spent away from family. Unlike those of us in the civilian world for the most part soliders don't run their lives Uncle Sam does and most of the follow without question.

I'm the first to say I don't agree with the war we're currently fighting, but I don't know that I'd agree with any war. It seems like such an unnecesasry waste of life, especially when we have problems here in the good old U.S.A. It sometimes seems as if we waste all our time and resources on fighting other peoples fights and not enough time focusing on our own fight right here at home. But these soliders they go and they fight because it's their job and so I support them not the cause but them. I support them as a friend would support another friend in doing what's expected of them.

So to the Soliders in my life, past and present, thank you! Thank you for the sacrafices you've made and make...thank you for doing what someone of aren't physically or emotionally doing...thank you for risking your lives so we don't have to. And to their families, the forgotten Vets, thank you for standing by the solider in your life....thank you for allowing them to do what they do. For those we have lost I thank you for making the ultimate sacrafice and to their families know that your loved ones died doing what they believed in, protecting our country.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A year older...and wiser!

Last Saturday was my birthday, 28 years of life celebrated. While I had come to terms with doing nothing because not only was it Halloween but it was also Saturday hubz had other plans, he and my sister-in-law that is. I was forced out of my house to take the step-son trick-or-treating and returned to home to a house decoreated with Scooby Doo streamers and masks! It was great! I realized along time ago that a birthday celebration for someone with a birthday on Halloween would be next to impossible as I got older and started a family. While I wish I'd had a few more years to enjoy having a day where everyone is totally focused on me I married someone with a kid and by doing that gave up those precious few years. All in all though the day was fantastic, minus finding out that yet ANOTHER friend is PG. I layed in bed drinking mimosas most of the day and did little else, I couldn't have asked for a better birthday. Hubz got me an IPOD touch which I'd been talking about getting for a while now but back burnered when he got laid off. My sister-in-laws got me gift cards to BBB and Lowe's so I get to buy stuff for the house!!!! And my mom and step-mother-in-law got me a Virgin Mary and kitchen stuff repectively. I also got a Redskins purse, scrapbook stuff and a yet unknown present from one of my sisters.

In light of the last two weeks, which have been the hardest I've dealt with in a while, I'm taking tomorrow off and giving myself a four day weekend. I need this and hubz and I need this. I've been short with him lately and I realize it so I'm taking tomorrow for us to have some QT and for me to decompress. We'll go do the things we use to do when we didn't have money like we did before he lost his job. Friday's my regular day off and I'm getting my hair cut...not sure how yet but it's going and I can't wait. Then it's a soccer filled weekend with some scrapbooking thrown in on Saturday nite. Before I know it'll be back to work on Monday with a very busy two weeks at work.

I can't believe how fast this year has flown by! I haven't accomplished half of the things I wanted to. Some of them are in my control, like having the house all painted and getting our bedroom completely put together. However, some are not in my control, like getting PG and getting a promotion. So for the remainder of the year I'm gonna focus on those things I can take care of and let the rest just happen, hopefully soon!