Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thankful on Thursday

I'm having a pretty craptastic week.  So I'm trying to focus on what I'm most thankful for even though I feel like there's not much to be thankful for right now because I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand with a black cloud hovering up above and with no control of what the outcome will be.  I digress today I'm most thankful for my little blessing:
Right now he's the reason I get up in the morning and come home at nite.  I know things have to get better eventually and until they do I'll focus on him to remind of what's important and why I push on.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


I'm tired, physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm in this funk that I can't pull myself out of and the only reason I don't spend everyday in bed after work is because I have a beautiful little Bean to take care of.  I'm pretty sure it's not PPD because first of all it's just all of a sudden (which doesn't necessarily mean anything) and second of all I'm pretty sure I know the root of the problem.  However, I don't know how to go about fixing it. I can talk and yell until I'm blue in the face but nothing ever changes.  It's still the same shite day in and day out and I'm just tired.  I realize that life's never what you expect, what's that saying about telling God your plans?, but it seems to me there are just several universal things that one wants out of life:  To be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.  1 out of 4 is not good, that's 25%, less than average.  So how do I go about getting at least two more of these, the wise I think just comes with age.

I'm not a fighter, I refuse to scream and argue, I want to have an adult conversation.  But how do you do that when the other party doesn't hear anything you say?

Wordless Wednesday - A Momma's Love

                                                     Bunny Lane Photography

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Friday, January 7, 2011


Sweet baby boy,

4 months ago today you entered my life, changing it forever.  You were just a wee bit of thing when you were born and now 4 months later you're a bruise, as Daddy likes to call you.  You smile all the time now and recently just started laughing, especially when Daddy tickles you, you're so ticklish.  You rolled over, TWICE, two days after Christmas and started playing with your exersaucer on New Year's Eve.  You've just figured out that if you use your feet you can get the seat on the exersaucer to move and now you're really exploring your new toy.  You started sleeping in your crib on Christmas Eve and while Momma misses you being right next to her in your bassinet you've adapted well and have been sleeping so well.  You're just growing so fast Momma's afraid she's going to miss something.

Today you'll have a visit with Dr. Sophie so we can see just how big you've gotten since your last dr's appt and you'll get shots, this is definately my least favorite part because I hate to see you hurt and upset but I know it's for a good reason, to make sure you stay healthy.  We'll probably talk about starting you on some solid food but Momma's thinking about holding off on this milestone for a couple more months.

This next month will hopefully also be the last time we'll have to travel to Children's Hospital in DC! 

You truely are Momma's gift from God. Everyday I'm astounded and amazed at this little person you're slowly becoming and that I have a hand in making you the man you'll be. Momma loves you my handsome little Bean.


Thursday, January 6, 2011

Thankful on Thursday

Seems like forever since I did a thankful on Thursday post.  We made it through another year and another holiday season, which I am infinitely grateful for, and now that we're on the other side of it all I'm thankful that the Bean was here to celebrate Christmas with us.  I'm also thankful that this time last year God answered our prayers to bless us with a wee babe and while his first days on this earth weren't necessarily what we'd expected everything worked out and he is growing and thriving.  I'm thankful that I have a job that allows me to pay my bills and enjoy something for myself or the Bean every now and then, even though I'm still waiting on a promotion that I was promised over a year and half ago.  Mostly I'm thankful that God has granted me the privilege of being a Momma and getting to experience one more day on Earth and with the Bean in my life.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I shall not judge

This was my New Year's "resolution".  I'm very judgemental, I know this about myself and they say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.  So I decided to start 2011 off by declaring that I would attempt to be less judgemental, at least out loud. When I told Hubz this he said, "Welcome to being an adult."  Apparently adults aren't suppose to speak their minds and let everyone know what they think, it's stupid but okay.  Along, with being less judgemental I decide on a whim, actually it was late Sunday nite when I was loathing the idea of coming back to work after a glorious week off spent with the Bean, that I would start each day positively and try my hardest not to let other stupidity and pain in the assedness (<~ that's so a word) get me down.  So far I'm three days in and I'm going strong.  It's amazing what a positive attitude can do to make your day better.  And in case I should start to feel the bad attitude elf trying to bring me down I'll just look at the picture of my precious little bundle to remind me that he is very in tune with my attitude and feelings and I don't want him to experience anything negative until absolutely necessary.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Welcome 2011

A new year has begun and with it comes the start of a new decade.  It's hard for me to believe that the last ten years started with me graduating from high school and ended with me becoming a Momma.  It makes me wonder what the next ten years will have instore for me.  I'm hoping that it at least includes a few more kiddos for me and hubz; several bumps in grade and more pay for me; a college degree or two for hubz and the step-son; and health and happiness for us all.

I've always been kind of reflective and the end and beginning of the year, but this year more so than ever before because I have my little Bean.  This next year will see many changes for him especially.  He's already started by beginning to cut teeth.  On Friday he'll be 4-months, already, and it makes me sad and happy at the same time.  Before we know it he'll be eating solids and crawling, then walking, talking and meeting tons of milestones.  I think I'm so reflective because of the rough start that he had.  While hubz never had any doubts that he would pull through and be 100%, I at times wasn't so sure.  I'm a prepare for th worst and hope for the best kind of girl, it keeps me from being suprised when things don't work out the way I want.  But now we're full steam ahead with our little bruiser, as hubz calls him.

So as 2011 just gets started I say welcome.  We've been expecting you and we can't wait to see what you have instore for us in the next 361 days.  While I'm sure it won't all be good, I can gurantee it won't be all bad either.  It's definately going to be an adventure because it's life and I can't wait to see what you're doling out.  So bring it 2011 I'm ready for whatever you've got because if there's one thing I've learned from the past decade is I can handle anything you want to throw at me and what I can't handle on my own can be taken care of with the love and support of those that love me the most.