Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lessons Learned

While my year in review is still being formulated I realized there's something else that has happened to me that's not necessarily fit for my year in reveiw. This year, with the lenght of time it's taking us to get pregnant, I've learned that sometimes even the most welling meaning family and friends just have no idea what it's like to what a baby so bad and not be able to make it happen. Most of the women in my family and hubz' family have or have had kids and with no problems making it happen. So while they mean well with their words of wisdom and what not they just have no clue! No clue how it feels month in and month out to know the tell tell signs of AF arrival. How after a while you start actually feeling a bit of relife when AF does come because it puts you one month closer to the year mark when you can start trying to get some answers. How every time a friend or family member tells you they're pregnant you smile like your suppose and congratulate them all while another little piece of your heart breaks.

Somthing else I've learned that a good cry does a lot to help you move onto the next month. I use to throw week long pity parties, but now the day I know AF is here I have a good cry throw my pity party and move on because like people are constantly reminding there's not really much I can do about it. I can't wish AF back to pits of hell or hate myself anymore than I already do for this continuous failure.

By far the biggest lesson I've learned this year, the last 10 months really, is that my need for control is totally relenquished when it comes to making this happen, OBVIOUSLY otherwise it'd already be a done deal. I have no say in if and when it will happen, as much as it chaps my ass! So month after month I just sit back and watch as my hopes and dreams of a family get pushed back into the future further and further.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Weekend Away

We took a much needed weekend away this past weekend. We went to Jersey to visit an old college friend of mine and her husband. Though I wish we had been able to get there earlier on Friday, but you know what they say about the best laid plans, we still had a good visit. She was one of my best friends in college, even after she transfered home after fall semester of our sophomore year, and we've kept in touch ever since there. She can always make me laugh and see the positive in things and that's definately what I needed this weekend as I realized that we're only 3 months to the one year mark of TTC and then we can start figuring out if one or both of us is broken or what! And as I've made a vow to not dwell on it for the holidays that's all I have to say about.

Now we're back and with only one week left of classes for both hubz and I things are gonna be a little hectic until next weekend. I have two papers to write in the next week and half as well as a presentation to go with one of those papers. Hubz has a field trip and a paper about the field trip to do...I'm pretty sure he'll leave it until the last minute like he did the last one. Then we've got a nice break until classes start up again in January. My winter classes are both online so I have a very open schedule that I'm hopefully going to fill with so aerobics at our local rec center so I can lose some weight for my sisters wedding in May. We're just about ready for Christmas, the step-son is done and I'm just about done with hubz, then it's my parents and hubz' dad, my brother and two nephews! I'm hoping to finish this weekend but we'll see.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving and Christmas beginnings

Thanksgiving was low key this year. My sister and brother-in-law that got married in September hosted this year, it's kind of like a little tradition to host either Thanksgiving or Christmas the year you get married. There were only 7 of us: me, hubz, the step-son, SIL, BIL, nephew and MIL. It was nice though because Christams is going to CRAZY! I drank a little to much wine, like 1/2 a bottle two much, I should have stopped 1/2 way through the second bottle instead of finishing it. However, 2 bottles of wine and six hours of sleep later, for a 550 am wake-up, I was up and shopping. SIL and I have been doing black friday shopping for a couple of years now and I love it. I can normally get all 12 nieces and nephews done and the step-son and hubz about 1/2 way's great! The rest of the weekend was nice with nothing to do but sleep in and lounge around which is exactly what we did.

Now it's on to Christmas and all the holiday has to bring. Like family, the birth of Christ and the joys of Christmas in general. With hubz out of work this Christams we're only gifting nieces, nephews and parents and then each other and the step-son. I'm sad about it b/c there's nothing I love more than giving presents but what can we do really? We're also hosting dinner at our house this year and rather then a buffet where we find a seat where ever we can we're having a sit down. The table have been gotten and now we have to figure out the chair situation and see how many of the family will be joining us. It should be fun, exhausting and fulfilling. Hubz and my family's are both very different but I love any opportunity we can have to get us all together in one place. Our families shape us and to have all 20+ of us together for a least on holiday a year makes me happy.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Another Month...

So I'm one more closer to the one year mark. AF is on her way and should be here by the end of the day or early tomorrow. I had a good cry before work this morning and now I'm just trying to get through the day. I always used to be that girl who would tell those having problems TTC that they just needed to relax and let it happen, but now that it's me I realize that even though those words were coming from a good place they're hurtful. Unless you've struggle with having a baby you don't understand the pain you feel every month when AF rears her ugly head. My heart literaly breaks every month when my temp falls, when I'm temping, or I start spotting because I know exactly what's coming next.

So here I sit staring month 9 in the eye and all I can think is that if I had gotten PG the first month we'd have a baby sometime soon. Instead I'm planning a second Christmas, this year hosted by us, in our house with no baby to call my own. All while people around me get PG, are PG or are getting ready to welcome new additions into thier families in the next few weeks. It breaks my heart because while I'm happy for all of them I want what they have and don't know one way or the other if I'll ever have it.

Now I wait for a positive or a negative next month so that I can move one more month closer to the one year mark and finding out some answers. I pray and I'm thankful that I learned a long time ago that life's not always fair because it makes dealing with the monthly disappointment easier.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


This weekend was a weekend of finallys. The Redskins finally played like a team with some heart! I got to go to the game with my mom Sunday because the little bro was at the sleepover so glad I didn't miss that game. It was good, at little questionable at the beginning, but good!

My sister finally found her wedding dress! It's beautiful and she's going to be stunning in it! I can't believe my little sister is getting married! We still have tons to do but by finding her dress one of the big things can finally be checked off the list.

My Org Behavior teacher finally graded my first paper from week 2! I got an 'A' so I can't complain but I wish she'd had that graded before we turned in our second paper because all the stuff I had wrong on the first one, as far as format goes, is wrong on the second one. I'm hoping that doesn't affect my grade.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Veteran's Day

Yesterday I spent the day working on a paper for Finance and also being thankful for the soliders in my life as well as those who have fought or fight everyday for our freedom as well as their families. As a child of a retired Army solider I know the sacrafice that is being part of a military family. Thankfully my dad was never sent off to war but today in a time when we are fighting multiple wars in multiple countries I have known what it's like to worry for the safety of the ones you love who have choosen to serve our country. Most days it's a thankless job...long days, endless hours and time spent away from family. Unlike those of us in the civilian world for the most part soliders don't run their lives Uncle Sam does and most of the follow without question.

I'm the first to say I don't agree with the war we're currently fighting, but I don't know that I'd agree with any war. It seems like such an unnecesasry waste of life, especially when we have problems here in the good old U.S.A. It sometimes seems as if we waste all our time and resources on fighting other peoples fights and not enough time focusing on our own fight right here at home. But these soliders they go and they fight because it's their job and so I support them not the cause but them. I support them as a friend would support another friend in doing what's expected of them.

So to the Soliders in my life, past and present, thank you! Thank you for the sacrafices you've made and make...thank you for doing what someone of aren't physically or emotionally doing...thank you for risking your lives so we don't have to. And to their families, the forgotten Vets, thank you for standing by the solider in your life....thank you for allowing them to do what they do. For those we have lost I thank you for making the ultimate sacrafice and to their families know that your loved ones died doing what they believed in, protecting our country.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A year older...and wiser!

Last Saturday was my birthday, 28 years of life celebrated. While I had come to terms with doing nothing because not only was it Halloween but it was also Saturday hubz had other plans, he and my sister-in-law that is. I was forced out of my house to take the step-son trick-or-treating and returned to home to a house decoreated with Scooby Doo streamers and masks! It was great! I realized along time ago that a birthday celebration for someone with a birthday on Halloween would be next to impossible as I got older and started a family. While I wish I'd had a few more years to enjoy having a day where everyone is totally focused on me I married someone with a kid and by doing that gave up those precious few years. All in all though the day was fantastic, minus finding out that yet ANOTHER friend is PG. I layed in bed drinking mimosas most of the day and did little else, I couldn't have asked for a better birthday. Hubz got me an IPOD touch which I'd been talking about getting for a while now but back burnered when he got laid off. My sister-in-laws got me gift cards to BBB and Lowe's so I get to buy stuff for the house!!!! And my mom and step-mother-in-law got me a Virgin Mary and kitchen stuff repectively. I also got a Redskins purse, scrapbook stuff and a yet unknown present from one of my sisters.

In light of the last two weeks, which have been the hardest I've dealt with in a while, I'm taking tomorrow off and giving myself a four day weekend. I need this and hubz and I need this. I've been short with him lately and I realize it so I'm taking tomorrow for us to have some QT and for me to decompress. We'll go do the things we use to do when we didn't have money like we did before he lost his job. Friday's my regular day off and I'm getting my hair cut...not sure how yet but it's going and I can't wait. Then it's a soccer filled weekend with some scrapbooking thrown in on Saturday nite. Before I know it'll be back to work on Monday with a very busy two weeks at work.

I can't believe how fast this year has flown by! I haven't accomplished half of the things I wanted to. Some of them are in my control, like having the house all painted and getting our bedroom completely put together. However, some are not in my control, like getting PG and getting a promotion. So for the remainder of the year I'm gonna focus on those things I can take care of and let the rest just happen, hopefully soon!

Monday, October 26, 2009


I'm always telling my best friend that she's way stronger than she gives herself credit for. It's totally true though. When we were in high school her mom had lung cancer, got a transplant, got sick from an infection and was constantly sick for 4 years before she finally passed away. My bestie came through it and survived. I don't know that I would be the same person if I lost my mom because even on a good day she drives me nuts! We're still super close and losing her would be like losing a peice of myself. Then I remember that my bestie and her mom were just as close, if not closer.

Last nite as I was sat wallowing in the unfairness (<~ that's sooo a word) that has been my life in the past week I realized that I'm stronger than I often give MYSELF credit for. So I haven't lost my mother I did lose my Nana and my family, when my parents split, all with in about 2-years. And while I did a lot of things that I wasn't proud of during that time I still managed to graduate high school, get into college and not get knocked up like my much younger sisters, I used to judge them but that's just the path they chose for themselves. So what if things aren't going the way that I think they should be? As I 100% believe, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger & God only gives us what we can handle", I refuse to let the last week bring me down. For every down hill turn there has to be an up and we're on our way I up I can feel it in my bones and I have to believe it.

So today my head's up and I have my eye on the prize.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Let's just chalk this week up to one big week of disappointment and move on to next week. First hubz loses his job and today (I'm pretty sure) we move on to month seven. With hubz' unemployement I move back and forth between anxiety, frustration and stress. With my failure to get pregnant, yet again, I'm just stuck at sad. I don't even think about it during the month until that fourth week when I'm due for my monthly visitor and then every cramp and feeling of quizzy stomach gets over analyzed. I don't even know why since I always know the result...another failed attempt. So I guess I'll go back to temping for November. Once April gets here, if I'm not pregnant which at this rate I'm not holding my breath for, I'll go see my OB and we'll start talking about tests and what not. Until then I'll go through the month blissfully ignoring my body's inability to do this one very important job and spend the fourth week completely aware of everything my body's doing.

Life's full of ups and downs, I know, but this week has been all down. It has to go back up next week, right?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Past 20 hours

The past 20 hours have been some of the most stressful of my life. Hubz got layed-off yesterday. I so frustrated and anxious! Frustrated because WTF we couldn't get a little heads up? JACKASSES! This was apparently out of left field. Not that I'm suprised really because that's just how the people he worked for operated. Anxious because his paycheck is what payed our mortgage. And while he has one more check left with this company it won't be a full paycheck which means we have to dip into our savings! At least there some money in there but not enough to get us through for long. Silver lining...he sent is resume to someone yesterday and has an interview with someone else today. Also, his resume is now ready for government job applying which is where I would prefer for him to work. I can't take him gettting fired every two to three years. I need him to have a stable job with some job security!

While I'm worried and will remain stressed, anxious and I'm sure somewhat frustrated, we've survived this before and we'll survive it again. We're fighters, hubz and I, and there's nothing that can keep us down for long. We always just get back up, dust ourselves off and trudge on because we have no other choice and because nobody's going to do it for us. My faith is what gets me thru, and apparently cigaretts is what gets him thru (though that's a blog of another day). We'll get to the other side and high five each other for the good job we did getting thru it. So fingers crossed it's sooner rather than later.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Last Free Days

This weekend is the last week before classes start again and this time hubz will be going to school too. Should be interesting to say the least. Our schedule is jam packed during the week, at least until the step-son is done with soccer the beginning of November. Then before we know it the holidays start and we're into a new year. So with these last few "free" days I'm gonna do some of the to do list that's been sitting on my dry erase board for the past two weeks. First, I'm going through a bag of halloween stuff my sister gave me then getting the nursery cleaned up from when we moved all our crap into there to paint the master. Saturday is hubz' 10-year high school reunion where happily I'll get to see some friends of my own I'm about as excited as he is, bet I won't be as excited for my own next year. Sunday's football...duh...and I'm thinking of making white chicken chili. It's a crockpot meal which means I can start and forget it, but we'll see. Monday is a holiday for me so I'm gonna do the lounging around I don't get to do on my Friday off b/c I'm too busy running errands...I can't Wait!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

2-Years (and 1 day)

Hubz and I celebrated our 2-year anniversary yesterday. And while it hasn't always been easy it's definately been fun and there's nobody else I'd rather be sharing my life with. Hubz is my rock. He's the one that keeps me laughing through the rough times and is there right beside me to share in the good times. When I think back to all the things I've done so far in my life marrying him is definately one of the high points. Sure we fight, but what couple doesn't? Sure marriage is work, but what worth having isn't? I wouldn't change him or trade him for anything. Sure I wish he was more romantic and got upset about things more often, but if he did that who'd calm me down? We can't both be high strung.

So as we move onto 2-years and 1 day of marriage. I look forward to things we'll conquer and celebrate together. I hope that next year we're not only celebrating another year of marriage but the joy of becoming parents together, but that I know is all in God's time.

To the best husband a girl could have...I love you Cookies!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Saturday/Sunday Recap

Saturday hubz and I had our anniversary dinner. We did a dinner on the Oddessy, a dinner cruise around the Potomac. It was a blast. Good food, good music, beautiful scenery and hubz' undivided attention for 5 hours! We don't seem to get much us time anymore, and while that's a post in itself, I relish everyone minute when it is just the two of us. On the way to dinner I got a call from a friend who had an extra ticket to the Skins game Sunday and I jumped on the chance to go...I can't pass up a $40 ticket!

730 sure comes early on a Sunday morning but I was up and out of the door in about 15 minutes and by 830ish we were on our way to FedEx for some tailgating before the 1pm game. I've expressed my frustration with the boys in Burgundy & Gold and the first half of the game just helped to feed my frustration. I believe we have a good team but I'm convinced our coach can't get the job done. While I still maintain my opinion on Zorn the boys game back looking like the team I know they can be in the 2nd half. Though it wasn't pretty we won and in my book a win's a win! So now we go to 2-2 and next week we play another defeated team. Let's hope we can take the momentum from yesterday and carry it forward to next week.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

31 days!!!!!

That's how many days until my birthday. And while it puts me one year closer to 30 there's nothing I love more than a good birthday. Nothing like cake and presents to make a girl happy. I haven't thought about what I want so much, though I'm sure family and friends will be asking soon.

A pretty Redskins thermal tee for the Dec 27 Redskins/Cowboys game at FedEx.

I'd love a new coffee cup or two, I know so practicle, but I only have one of these lovelies and it's my favorite. My other travel mugs can't hold a flame to these:

So far these are the only two things I've come up with. But I'm so easy to shop for I'm sure the fam & friends will do just fine pick me out gifts I'll love

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I'm not one to hold my tongue when I have something to say, and while this sometimes drives hubz nuts he's kind of gotten use to it. I don't always yell out the first thing that pops into my head but that's only because I want to mold the words that I'm going to speak before I speak them. I want them to have meaning and truth and I want the listner to have no doubt about how I feel or where I stand. Words have the power to motivate and at the same time to discourage. Words have the power to uplift and at the same time push down. Words can't be unsaid, once spoken they can't be taken back or explained away.

In this electronic age I wonder if we've forgotten the power our words can have on those that hear them. Let us not forget Mr. Martin Luther King, Jr who with his words moved Blacks to stand up and be noticed and treated equally. More recently President Obama who with his words led a genereation, often thought to be empathetic and lazy, to show up at the polls and cast their votes for change.

In the past couple of days there has been some drama amongst members of my family. And while this is normal, where a spicy bunch, this time it's kind of pushed me to my limit. If anyone were to ask me the most important thing in my life I'd respond without a doubt with Family. They are the people who have most shaped who I am. They are the core of who I am and my reason for being, along with hubz. So when they yell at each other and call each other names it hurts me to my soul. We're the only family we've got and no matter what we've always stuck by each other. Sure I don't always agree how they live their lives or with the decisons they may make, but just like I support our soliders in a war I don't agree with, I support my family in everything they do. But lately the WORDS that they speak to each other are laced with meaness, hatred and spite! While normally I try not to get involved in thier lives, even with my need to speak my WORDS, this time I had to. So I said my piece...then I found out what the heart of the matter is and I was PISSED!!!!! Pushed to my limit doesn't begin to explain it because what it came down to was a lack of respect and that I will NOT TOLERATE from anyone, family, friend or foe!

So today I'm stepping back from the situation. I'm looking at it from all angles and then I'm going to do what I do best. Figure out how to solve the problem. I will not let outsiders, and that's what you are if you don't share my blood or have my heart, break this bond. Some would say I'm the least spicy of this wild bunch I call a family but the truth is I'm the one most likely to attack when you least expect it (I'm convinced it's the scorpio in me). After this we'll all step back and pick up the peices and clean up the mess stronger for what we've been through. Because Lord knows that if we haven't broken thus far we probably never will. It's true what they say: "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger."

Monday, September 28, 2009

Health Care, Politics, Football and some other things

I don't consider myself an overly political person. There are certain issues I stand firm on but others that I could be persuaded to change sides if I thought the other side had a better idea. I'm registered as a Democract but only because I tend to lean more towards that way of thinking but mostly because in Virigina you have to declare a side so you can vote in the primary. In Virginia we're voting for a new Governor, among other things, and for some reason the Republicans have been mailing and calling me like crazy. Now I don't care one way or the other b/c the truth is most of the time I don't vote for anything other than the President, I know it's horrible but I haven't cared much about local politics. This year though with the talk of HOT lanes, the state of our education in the state (which seems to have gone down hill since I graduated) and health care...which is also a picture thing for me as well...I'm highly considering it. I haven't made a decison for one candidate or the other but by Novemeber I will.

Speaking of Health Care I wish I could understand what the upheaval is about wanting everyone to have health care. What do those of us who are fortunate enough to have jobs with health care thing we should be the only ones guranteed that we won't go into debt after we have a baby or if we wind up in the hospital. For to long this country has been a reverse Robin Hood, we still from the rich to give to the poor. It's about damn time we start helping out those less fortunate than the minority. It makes no since to me that any human should suffer because they can't afford health care. Fine maybe the plan Canada has isn't right for us but you can't honestly tell me there isn't something that can work. And to now come up with something just doesn't seem like an option to me. I have one sister who works for an at home nursing company that doesn't offer health care, WTF is that about, and another who can't afford it because she's a server. I'm 100% invested in finding a way to make sure health care can be offered to all, even if it means I pay more taxes!

I'm a die hard Redskins fan have been my whole life and will remain so until the day I die. I bleed burgandy and gold. I'm a fan regardless if they win or lose and my faith has been tested in the last few years. We can't seem to get our shit together! We have the talent but our coaching lacks creativity, O-line lacks something to get the job done and our QB though he's talented can't really get the job done with the O-line he has. So where do we go from here. I hate to jump on the bandwagone but I think the place to start is Zorn. I've never been horny for Zorny and up to this point he hasn't given me a reason to. We're going to start losing our best players if Snyder and his cast of idots can't find a way to get things done!

Yup, super random post I know but I had to get the things rattling around in my brain out so I could get some more work done. It's busy time, gotta love the federal gov't and year end, and things are just going to get busier with appraisal time and a new training module I'm heavily involved in plus school but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wedding Weekend Continued

I'm a little behind but lately that's the story of my lift. Especially since I'm still on the damn crutches from falling off the curb at my SIL wedding. But I realized I needed to update about wedding #2 from Labor Day Weekend. This wedding was for hubz' best friend. The wedding was small, only 50 people, and hubz was a groomsmen for best friend's fiance/husband. Though it was small it was still beautiful and as is the case for me and weddings it made me cry. There's something about two people pledging to be together for ever that just moves me to tears. Not because I think it's a bad idea, obviously since I'm married, but because two people really have to cherish and love each other to want to make such a big commitment.

So to both of the couples that were married this weekend I wish them all the most that life has to offer. I hope they always remember that marriage, like life, is ever changing and that if you're not willing to change with it and go with the flow it'll just make things more diffult.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Wedding #1

My sister in law and bestest friend got married on Saturday to the greastest guy. He truely is her perfect match. The day was gorgeous, which was good since the ceremony was outside, and my sister looked beautiful and happy. Of course with any wedding there are hitches and glitches but nothing that she had to worry about because she was the bride. I kept telling her she could borrow my spotlight for the day, since she's not one to be the center of attention like me, of course I just had to steal the spotlight back when I fell of the curb and severly sprained my ankle. I swear...I fall of curbs at least once a week and nothing but the nite of her wedding I sprain my ankle at least it was at the end when everything was all done. It may still be broken I'll fine out when I go see my own doctor this week...fingers crossed it really is just a sprain. Regradless I'm on crutches for at least 2 weeks maybe 3.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


After my last post I vowed that I was going to step away from the situation and enjoy the things I did have. A great husband, two crazy dogs, a house that I own, fantastic new furniture and a family that I love even if they do drive me nuts most days. There's not really much that I can do, right now, about the inablility to get pregnant. I realize I just need to give it a little bit of time so that's what I'm going to do. Acutally I don't have much choice since this month and next month are out b/c my due date would fall smack in the middle of my last quarter of my Master's so now we wait until Anniversary week and keep our fingers crossed. I've talked with an old friend and she gave me some pointers to maybe help the process so we'll try without intervention until January, then it's on.

This vow however doesn't keep me from noticing that everyone woman in the world is pregnant, except me. Nor does it keep me from bursting into tears at the most random of times, of course my best friend leaving may have something to do with too. It does however allow me to put things it to perspective. The main one being that this time that I feels being wasted by not being pregnant is allowing me to focus on school and my marriage. So that when I finally am pregnant I'll be done with school hopfully in a job that motivates and stimulates and my marriage will be stronger than it is now.

So while I realize this vow will be hard to keep the next two months when AF shows her face I'll push on b/c that's what I do. I've survived far more painful things in my life, I say that now but if it winds up being that somethings wrong I'll very well change my tune, and I 100% believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and that God only gives us what we can handle. And while I wish that GOD didn't think I was so strong and that He didn't trust me so much I trust him to know when the right time is for hubz and I to start this next chapter. So untill then I'll continue to pray my mantra and ask God to guide me b/c with Him all things are possible.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Trudging on

Last Thursday I had one of those days where everything made me cry or pissed me off. Once again AF showed her ugly face and now we're on to month 7! I realized that I was only 9 days out from my best friend leaving for Cali and life in general just became too much. to the mall I went. I really did have a purpose, I needed to get my shoes for SIL's wedding next month and get a REDSKINS tank top for training camp the next day, but I also needed something to sooth my nerves so I also made to COACH purchases, added to extra pairs of shoes to the ones I needed and headed to Old Navy for 3 skirts, a tank top and a cute sweater for when it finally starts to cool down. All in all a productive evening.

I love hubz to death but he just doesn't understand my frustration in not being pregnant yet. Probably because, as he likes to remind me, he already has a kid so obviously the problem is me and not him. I have a problem with this being so difficult. I hate to fail at ANYTHING and right now I feel like I'm failing at one of the most important things I will ever do in my life. So now I do what I do best. I study and ask questions and figure out how and what to do to help the process along. I have an old friend from high school that had fertility issues, not that that's the probelm, but she's given me some words of encouragement as well as advice to hopefully help. At this point I'll take anything I can get. One thing I've learned from this whole thing is if/when I have a daughter I will not let her go on hormonal birth control because I would hate for her to have the same problems I'm having.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Busy and Tired

It seems that summer time is always filled with us going non-stop for three months and it's EXHAUSTING! Every weekend is something else and I can't even remember when the last time hubz and I got to spend a weekend just lounging around, we are long over due for some quality time.

So the change I spoke of in my last post has been temporarily delayed but we're not sure for how long. As this was hubz change to speak about and it's not something he's ready tell anyone yet I'm just going to leave it at that. However, I am excited to say that hubz is going to college! As someone that already has BS in Accounting and is working on my MBA (only 6 classes left!) I think it's important to fully arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible. And while I realize that collge may not be for everyone I fully believe that hubz is going to EXCEL at it. (He's SUPER smart!) We'll probably be going to the same school, Strayer, and he meets with an admissions person on Tuesday. I'm so excited for him and completely ready to support him in this very exciting adventure he's about to partake in. Now we really have to get the office done.!

In other news, we made our first furniture purchase last Sunday. We bought a bedroom set, everything except a chest for hubz. We'll get that probably in January when we get our tax return. It'll be delivered next Wednesday. I'm SOOOOOO excited. I just can't sleep on a mattress on the floor anymore. Along with the furniture purchase we made our first bedding purchase as well and that will be here on Tuesday. So except for paint and curtains our Master Bedroom is just about done. Now hubz needs to get busy on my closet and we have to decide on what to do with the tiny bathroom.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Change is Coming

Change is coming to the Curtsgrl household, but since we haven't told everyone of the change I can't say what...just yet. However, I can say it's not that I'm KTFU, although I wish it was.

So stay tuned.... (not that anyone reads this, but...)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


When I was younger, not that I'm all that old, I used to set goals for myself and most of my life I reached them. Some of the big ones were graduate from high school, get into my dream college (FSU but didn't go), graduate from college, but it was after graduating from college that those goals started to fall apart. I was suppose to go to Law School, that was part of my 10 year plan, but I didn't get in. So I came home more b/c this is where hubz was then b/c I wanted to come home. Then I floundered for a few years. In October I started back to school to get my MBA if I can't get my J.D. I can at least get one of the two advanced degrees I wanted. Now I'm excelling in my core classes, hoping that carries over to my concentration classes, but I still feel unfulfilled. I realize part of the problem is that it's taking so long for me to get KTFU but it's also because I don't have anything of my own. Hubz plays softball and has friends/family to hang out with, but I got nothing. My sisters have always been closer to each other, they are twins, then me, my best friend is already a mom and has other things going on in her life not to mention she's moving to Cali in 3 weeks and I'm in a different place in my life then people I use to hang out with in high school. I need something to give my life meaning so that's why i decide to do the 101 things in 1001 days. Too bad that's not going to well either, but I'm going to change that. As of 28 June I had exactly two years to complete my list of 101 things, so far I've completed 12.5, I've failed at completing 2 (giving dates to complete by wasn't the best idea) and I'm in the process of completing 3. My goal is to have those three in process done by the end of the Labor day weekend. Here's hoping I meet my goal.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Why do I torture myself so? The past couple of weeks I've stayed away from all baby related boards on The Nest. They were making me bitter and depressed and that's not good for baby making or my health in general so I made a pact with myself to stay away. However, in the last two weeks I've been peeking over on two of the boards that have less to do about actual babies and more to do about women trying to have babies, in essence ME! But let's get serious a mintue it doesn't matter. I'll be fine for a while and then I'll be right back where I was, bitter and depressed. I don't want to be, but I can't help but lurk some, some of those ladies are FUNNY!

Okay well, in case you couldn't tell, I'm still not KTFU!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Busy Weekend

Last weekend was 4th of July. The step-son came back from Cub Scout camp and we had a very low key gathering with family, it was nice. Sunday we had Church, hubz went on a bike ride with my besties husband, one of the nephew's had a birthday and the step-son left to spend a couple days with my dad and the nephews. Then Monday our busy weekend caught up with me and I stayed home to sleep. I was exhausted before I was ever ready for work so I took a mental health day to sleep and do laundry.

Now I'm prepping for SIL bridal shower this weekend and another nephew's 10th birthday next weekend. The next couple of weekends are packed with family time and QT with the bestie, we're 30 days out. Not mention I started back to school and while I'm mad I'm taking a course that I don't think I should have to take at least I think it's going to be an easy 'A'. SIL wedding is a month an half a way and my 2-year anniversary is two and half months away. It's crazy! I have to get busy on finding hubz a gift to match what he got me last year.

On the baby front, still nothing, but I've decided to take the next 3-months (when getting PG would be great but not great timing)to do nothing. No temping, timing, NOTHING. In October I'll reevaluate and decide if I want to go back to temping. I feel like I tired it for 5 months and it didn't work I can't see how it will. I am going to start taking prenatels when I finish my normal multi-vitamin, just b/c I've read it's good to start taking them even before you get pregnant b/c it helps your body get used to them. We still have 6-months before we should start worrying but I'm frustrated!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Moving on to Month #6

Well my body has failed once again! AF should be making her presence known some time today and just like every other month I feel like I've failed. Sure they say don't start to worry until you've been trying for at least a year, but how is that every other woman in my family can get KTFU just by thinking about it and I still have no babe to speak of after five months. So now we'll try for one more month and then take a two month break b/c of my sisters wedding being in May 2010. Then it's back to it. I'm not temping this month, not that I did this past month much anyway, and I'm going to try not to really think about it.

In less depressing news, I finished my 3rd qtr with a 4.0 and now my overall GPA is a 3.9! It's my silver lining.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Sad Day

Yesterday was a sad day. First Farah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson. Then I find out the date I've been dreading for the past year. My bestie's departure date for Cali. August 8th. Exactly a month and half before her little daughter turns 2. And almost two months before I celebrate my two year anniversary. One week after we shower her newest expected bundle and in all irony of irony's celebrate her going away. Going away parties are the worst invention ever! So now I wait. I wait for my world to change as I know it.

Don't get me wrong I normally embrace change because I realize that change is what make life go round. And eventually I'll embrace this change, but right now my heart hurts. It hurts for things that I'm going to miss her daughter learning in the two year's they'll be gone. It hurts for the little moments I'll miss with the newest baby. But mostly it hurts because the person that knows me better than even hubz will be across the country, three hours behind.

As with anything I have a hard time dealing with I ask God to guide me and repeat my "mantra:"

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strenghth to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Good Books

Sometimes when I'm in a really bad place I tend to sit and look back at all the things I haven't done in my life. Yup, that's right I throw myself a pity party for 1 b/c really I don't need anyone to revel in my failures. However, I just finished a book, Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah, that reminded me to take stock in all the things I have done. I have a college degree, a husband that I adore and a step-son I'm proud of. My family, for all their drama, is my light at the end of a dark tunnel and my friends, the family I got to pick, keep me grounded and remind me of who I am. I may not be a size 3 or a big corporate lawyer, but I have job that pays my bills and a roof over my head. Sure I can be a negative Nancy but all in all my life's not half bad.

Something else that Firefly Lane made me think of is how much a girl needs a best friend. However, a true best friend doesn't have to be consant in your everyday life to be constant in your everyday heart. We're about 2-months out from my best friend moving across the country and it's this that has kind of help me come to terms with her leaving. She'll only be gone about 2-years and it's only about $230 to fly out there. So I'll settle on this and hold on to it. The next 8-weeks will go quicker that I could ever imagine but we'll make them count.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy today at the thought that though we as a country have come so far we still have so far to go. Yesterday an 88 year-old white supremacist opened fire at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC. My first reaction when I heard this was anger. Anger at the fact that this man thought he had the right to endager other peoples lives because of his hatred. Anger at the thought that this man had lived his life full of hatred for anyone that was not like him, but now this hatred has turned to sadness because this man lived his life full of hatred for anyone that was not like him. I firmly believe that the reason that the United States is such a fantastic place to live is because we are a mixture of cultures, beliefs and people. Yet we see events like the shooting at the Holocaust Museum or the recent cold blooded murder of a doctor, that performed abortions, who was shot while at Church! I can't fathom what made these men think they had the right! Now as I write this I'm angry again but it's a sad angry. Sad because though we've come so far as a country still have so far to go.

Monday, June 8, 2009

New Week...Same Crap

It's true it is a new week with the same crap however at the end of this week I'll be enjoying a much deserved, much needed break from VA. I'm headed to LA to see on of my closest friends for 5 whole days! I can't wait. However, before I can hop on a plane and be carefree I first have to write a 10 page paper for Law and do some math homework. When I get back I'll be in the last week before my math final and while I feel pretty good about the stuff following the mid-term it's the stuff from the mid-term I'm a little worried about. The final in is cummulative so I have to put to use a little of everything. However, I'm not going to let it stress me out too much while I'm on vacay.

When I get back it's hubz' birthday week. Friday, his acutal birthday, he's golfing in an annual golf tournament my work does. Saturday we're having a party. Sunday is Father's Day and he and the step-son have a father/son tee time for 1130. We bought the step-son clubs over Memorial Day and hubz is so excited to take him out and I'm so excited to have them gone for 5ish hours. Of course two of those hours I'll be at my final study group but the other four are all mine to catch up on GH, finish my final paper for Law and just relax with a glass of wine and the dogs.

It seems as if after a rough couple of days between hubz and I we're back on track! No matter what I love that man!

Monday, June 1, 2009

"Suprise Shower"

So the suprise shower I planned for my SIL wound up not being a suprise but good none the less. I was a little upset that half the people that said they were coming never showed up, but hey what can you do. Now it's time to plan her VA shower and the bachelorette shower. She's getting married in 3 months! I can't believe how quick it came up. It should be fun and I can't wait for her to be apart of the married lady club. Things are different, but the same on this end and it's a journey that with the right partner will become the ride of your life!

Baby Making Failure

Really, who knew that making a baby could turn an over achiever into such a failure? Here I sit at cycle 5 and still not KTFU! I thought last month was the month. I was 15 DPO and still no sign of AF...JK this morning my temp dropped to 96.8 and AF has arrived. I pretty sure this month is out since I'll be in LA for most of my fertile window. Then it's a three months TTA. Of course one of those months will be when I finally get KU. However, we're back at it in October and my fertile window is during our 2-year anniversary so that'd be kind of cool if I got KU then. Only time will tell. So today I start my day with:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Friday, May 22, 2009


So here we are in NC beautiful weather nice house and what's hubz doing...playing video games. He says I've been on the computer all day, um yeah fine but besides being on the NEST I'm also trying to do homework. And at least being on the computer doesn't require me to be in a whole seperate room ignoring family. If I wanted that I could have stayed home. So now I'm working on more homework, oh the joy of school work on holidays, and making him peel potatos for the dinner we're responsible for tonite. My guess is he thought I was going to cook the whole thing. Ummmm...hello did I mention I had a migraine! WTF I cook dinner every nite at home, except Tuesday b/c I have school, you can't be bothered to help out for one nite on vacation. REALLY?!!!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Oh the Pain

I started working out on Monday, Tae-Bo, it wasn't too bad and I was only a little sore yesterday. They yesterday I was back at the 30 Day Shred, damn I'm out of shape, and today my body is sore, sore, sore! It's okay though I know I have to push through the pain and it'll get better, at least that's what I'm hoping. I haven't been impressed by the Jillian Micheals website I registerd for and now I'm sad that I wasted the money. I think I might just cancel and only be out the $20.

In other news I got my math mid-term back last nite, got a B. I'm a little upset with my self b/c it could have been a hight B, but I'm just going to keep that in mind for the final since there's nothing I can do about the mid-term.

It's my last day of work for 5 days!!!! We're headed to the beach with hubz' family. I can't wait for the break. Of course I have a project and homework prolems to do for math and paper due for Law but hey I'll get it done and still enjoy my mini-vacation! I still plan to workout while I'm there too. We're leaving Thursday so I'll try to get my 30 Day Shred in before we leave then I'll bring Tae-Bo with me for Friday and Monday. Saturday and Sunday I've reserved for walking so that shouldn't be too hard to get in and I figure the ladies can maybe join me while we leave the kids with the boys! Hopefully I'll have tons of pictures to show when I return.


Friday, May 15, 2009

Weight Loss

So I've been saying for two weeks now that I was going to start working out and eating better. Here I am two weeks later and I've put on more weight! That's it I'm done. Getting dressed for work today I put on a shirt I wore just last week and is now to tight! Seriously! So I just signed up for Jillian Michaels weight loss plan, it's $4/week, $52/quarter and even if I decide I don't like it they're keeping a non-refundable $20 for a five week minimum so for the next 5 weeks at least I'm getting serious. I think after 5-weeks it'll such a part of me that even if I decide to cancel it won't matter b/c I'll still continue doing what I was doing, at least that's what I'm hoping. I just can't take being fat! I won't be that girl with the giant gut wearing a two piece, thanks but no thanks. I talk about those girls I don't want to now be the girl being talked about.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


Five years ago today I graduated from college. The four years I spent in Tampa are some of the most memorable of my life. I made friends that I still keep in touch with today. However, I look at my life five years later and I wonder how I got to this point. And I wonder why every few months I get to this same point where I wonder how my life got to this point. I have a great husband, a house that I own and job that pays well, but I can't seem to feel like somewhere I lost track. Track of who I am and what I used to want. And if what I used to want is what I still want. I never wanted to be a mom, but now it's really the only thing I can think of. I used to want to be a lawyer but now I'm gearing myself more towardsthe rinance field. I just can't help but think about how things have changed in the last five years.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thursday, Friday

Today's Friday!!!! At lease it is for me because I'm off tomorrow which my weekend offically starts this tonite and I couldn't be happier. It's been a long two weeks at work and it's just gearing up for our busy season, summer, so I expect to even more exhausted as time progresses. The silver lining I have lots of mini-vacations with and without hubz scheduled through out the next couple of months.

Expect for Strawberry picking on Saturday, which I SO EXCITED for, we have no big plans for the weekend. House stuff as usual, with a sprinkle of school and Mother's day festivities on Sunday. I already have all the Mother's day cards, except one, and I just have to do gifts for my mom and sisters. Hubz mom is all done and we already know what we're getting his step-mom we just have to pick it up. Besides Septemeber, when there's a birthday every day except for maybe seven, Mother's Day is the next most expensive day for us as far as cards go. Thank goodness for Hallmark and my rewards card.

In unrelated news my work as blocked Facebook. I'm so sad but really just figured it was only a matter of time. Now I actually have to work or find some other way to waste time. Maybe I'll try focusing more on the latter.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Take It Back

Have you ever told someone something that you wish you could take back? That's how I'm feeling about this whole baby thing. I wish that I hadn't felt the need to share it with everyone because now people want to know if we are, when we're gonna be or how come we're not. AHHHHHHH!!!! I know it's what I get for being an over sharer, but I resolve to do better not to be.

In other non-baby realted news, b/c I feel like lately that's all I blog about, Mother's Day is coming up and my sisters and I have the best gift! We're getting tickets to go see The Color Purple with our mom. Of course she's trying to rain on our parade by buying ticktes herself but we're all over it. We're going to dinner with her Friday, b/c my youngest sister will be in Richomond with her boyfriend on Sunday, and will give her the tickets then. I'm so excited I've had this planned since Christmas when I found out The Color Purple would be here.

Sunday hubz, the step-son and I have brunch plans with the rest of hubz siblings for his mom and then dinner with my mom and other sister and best friend at my house Sunday nite. Something just has to be planned for hubz' step-mom and that covers all the moms. I tell you what his multimarrying family can be a little exhausting. At least with my family it's one mom and one dad and that's it. When it comes to siblings his family's even worth b/c there's so damn many of them. I have my 2 sisters and brother, he has 3 sisters and 4 brothers and not all from the same's exhausting! But such is the life I married into, it definately never allows for a dull moment.

Monday, May 4, 2009


I have a slight addiction to the nest and the bump and they both started with my addiction to the knot. My addicition to the nest doesn't really affect me all that much. It's a place for me to get decorating ideas for our house and to find out things going on in the area that I may not have known about. However, the bump addiction kind of hurts my heart. Why? Well, simple it's all about people having babies, okay not completely but for some reason those are the boards I focus on. And yet here I sit still not pregnant. The window of opportunity is slowly closing until October and there's nothing I can really do, short of jumping the hubz more which I'm working on. I've said it once and I'll say it again it's not fair that I did everything the way I was suppose to and now that it's finally my turn to have a baby and I'm ready, I can't. WTF!!!!!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

One Fat Ass

Nope not someone else, but me. After a year and half of marriage I've been come a little too comfortable and weight the most I've ever weighed. Sure 150 to someone wouldn't be that big, but seeing as I don't even stand 5'0 it's a little bit more weight than I should be carrying around. So I've decided to focus my energy I'm spending trying to have a baby on trying to lose the fat! I'm going to LA to visit a friend in June so starting next monday I'll have almost exactly six weeks to lose at least 10 lbs but I'm hoping maybe 15. Sparkpeople and I are becoming reacquainted and I'm going to get Tae Bo from my sister-in-law. Between that, 30 day shred, walking and the various households chores I'm motivated. Plus I have all these cute 2-piece bathing suits that I want to wear but will not be putting this fat ass into if I don't lose some weight. This also helps me to not feel like such a failure about my inability to get pg, okay it doesn't really but I'm hoping it helps me keep my mind off of it.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I've mentioned before about how I have this need to control everything in my life. While I realize that life does what it wants I still try my hardest to show it I'm the boss. However, that doesn't seem to be working for this whole baby thing. We're now pretty much done with our third month, I'm expecting AF's visit this weekend or the first half of next week, of the baby making thing and with no luck. It baffles me how people get PG all the time without even trying and maybe that's my problem I'm trying. Maybe everyone's right it'll happen when it happens, but I want it to happen NOW actually I want it happen YESTERDAY. I'm temping more to understand what my body is doing and I still have no clue. So next month I'm temping till I ovulate and nothing until I miss my period or get it and in June no temping at all. We have to take a break from Jul-Sep, so I'm not too PG for my sister's wedding in May, but then in Oct, assuming I'm still not KTFU, I'll decide what my next step. They say you can't even talk to a dr. until you've been trying a year so I still have until next summer some time. Until then I'm just gonna let things happen.

Monday, April 13, 2009


Well, my hopes for a Christams baby were dashed on Friday. After a very weird short AF it's on to month three. We're getting to that point where we're going to have to take a break on the baby making for three months, so that I'm not far along for my sister's wedding in May 2010. So here's hoping this month is the month although I though last month was the month...we had perfect timing and everything, eh such is life.

Hubz and I had ANOTHER date on Friday. We went to the Improv to see Aisha Tyler. She was hilarous! Of course the date didn't start out so perfect we had to hike like six blocks b/c the GPS took us to the wrong place and we'd already paid twelve bucks to park. OF course I was wearing cute shoes and by the time we finally made it I thought my feet were bleeding. Needless to say we took the Metro back to parking. However all in all it was still a great nite. We're gonna try and go back next month.

It's back to school Tuesday. I've already started my online class, Law, I think it's going to be good. The syllabus is already way better than last quarter's. If only the same could be said about my live class. Only time will tell for both.

We're finally getting all the paperwork together for our refi on the house! Hooray it works out that we're going to save almost $400 which brings us to our ideal amount of what we wanted to pay originally. So excited! Those credit cards will be paid off before we know it.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Weekend Reveiw

Friday was fantastic. Hubz kind of had an idea where we were going but was still super excited to know he right. We relaxed, with a bottle of champagne and then had appetizers followed by dinner and the fantastic dessert. We spent two hours and way too much money but it was totally worth it! The hotel was great however we both were passed out by midnite, we're so romantic. Saturday was spent doing wedding stuff with SIL and and family thing at her house that nite. Sunday was Church and yard work. All in all a great weekend. The step-son is gone until Friday nite so I'm enjoyng my last week of break before classes start next week and it's back to no free time. It'll all be worth it in the end.

In baby news. I'm still not KTFU. However I just found out that not only are we trying for a baby and my bff but also hubz's bff and his wife are. It'd be cool if we were all PG at the same time. Of course it'll be there seconds and my first but still PG is PG.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Date Nite

Tonite's date nite and I'm beyone excited. This was totally my idea because hubz and I haven't done anything, that doesn't involve the house, just the two of us in a while. We used to have date nite all the time before we got married. It was once or twice a month and sure it might have just been dinner and a movie but it was just us enjoying each others company without having to worry about anything else for a few hours. I've been saying we need to reinstate these nites, even if it's just once a month, because sometimes life just gets in the way and then before you know it you're strangers. With school, work, and step-son we don't often have a lot of time to just be. So last weekend while I was in SC and paying off tons of debt I decided some of that money would be used to give us a nite out. We're doing dinner and a hotel and hubz doesn't know any details just that dinner reservations are at 7. Here's to a good nite.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I wonder....

Seeing as I'm not that intrested in my job as glorified secretary sometimes I sit day dreaming wondering if:
My Nana would be proud of me even though my life as taken a different path than planned.
I'll actually have the cajones to find a new job when I finish school
I'll be a good mom, since I don't think I'm that great of a step-mom
Hubz and I will have get pregnant, even though it's only the 2nd month trying
The future leaders of tomorrow realize how hard it is to be a grown-up, I know I didn't when I was their age
We'll ever get out of debt.

Nothing profound I know but it's just where my head goes when I'm trying not to write nasty emails or throw my computer out of the window.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Spring Break?

I guess technically you could call the next two weeks my Spring Break. Since I'm not in school full-time I don't really get a Spring Break, but I do get two weeks off between winter and spring quarters. Speaking of winter quarter I finished the quarter with a 'B' in Econ and an 'A' in Marketing. The only was only after I questioned him about a zero on an assignment that we didn't even have!

In other not school realted news. My trip to SC was great and low ket, just what I needed. Now it's back to the grind of work and life. The step-son is on spring break next week and will be going to PA with MIL to spend the week there. This is an annual thing and we thought he wouldn't be able to go b/c she's in school but she wants to make it work. Which means hubz and I get the week for just the two of us. It's during times like this that we get to be the newlyweds I always picutred myself being but aren't b/c hubz has a son. We definately take advantage of them. There's always at least one trip to Hooter's for dinner and a sometimes we get wild and crazy and go the movies in the middle of the week!

I can't believe that next week is Easter. Where is the year going?! Although I can't say I don't appreciate the year speeding by it just puts me that much closer to graduating with my Master's and looking for a new job. While I enjoy most of the people I work with, I don't enjoy my job and can't wait to find something more challengning and fulfilling. Now it's back to said mundane job!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

A baby, a mini-Reunion and School

Well my newest nephew, Josiah Marelle, decided to make his appearance into the world 3 weeks early. He was born yesterday, via c-section, at 320ish am weighing in at 6 lbs, 5oz and 19 inches long. He's so little but totally PERFECT! I can't wait to give him a cousing close to his's hoping that happens sooner rather than later. Picture of this cutie are forth coming.

I'm off to South Carolina this weekend to visit a good friend from my college days. We haven't seen each other since my wedding a year and half ago. She was living in Cali but got a new job in October at the University of South Carolina. We've been trying to get together ever since then and finally are able to do...I'm so EXCITED!!! My UT girls are one of the things I miss most about college.

I got my first final grade. It's from Econ and it's a....'B'!!!!! HOORAY!!! And as a little icing on the cake I got a 100% on my take home final! What the hell is that all about?! Now I'm putting last minute touches on my Marketing Plan, the big grade for my Marketing class, and then it's in the hands of the professor. Right now i'm about 2.5pts away from an 'A' in that class so with any luck this paper will push it to an 'A' but if not I'm happy with a 'B'. This quarter definately wound up better than I ever expected. Next up...Law and Stats.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Yard Work

So we bought this house 7 months ago and it was a foreclosure. Though it was way better than most of the foreclosures we looked at it still needs a little TLC. Lots of paint and tons of yard work, especially in the back yard. Well, this past weekend we started with yard work and while it doesn't look like much yet with the right eye you can see what is has the potential to be. Unfortunately for me, my allergies do not enjoy the yard work and after spending Saturday and Sunday outside most of both days I woke up yesterday with sneezing, sniffles and watery eyes...oh the joys. Add to the allergies sinus pressure and it's like a day at the carnival! I then thought it'd be a good idea to bowl yesterday where at least 1/2 the bowling alley smokes...HELLO ASHTHMA!!! My asthma is pretty mild and really only acts up when I'm sick or my allergies are really bad. Needless to say I had an asthma attack at bowling, thank goodness for my inhaler that I found out was almost empty! DAMN was enough to help a little but by the time I got home I had to have a breathing treatment..where the only bright spot was that little Gozer was freaked out by the machine and barking at me like a vicious killer. Lucky for me I've learned to not overreact when I can't breath, it makes it worse. Now I'm at work, I remembered to take my allergy med and it's a whole new day. I tell you what I sure hope this isn't just a glimpse into what allergy seasons going to be like this year!

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Fever

The fever's stronger than ever. It baffles me that when we're younger we do everything we can to NOT get pregnant. Then when we're older and married, assuming you take the normal order of the things, and are ready to be pregnant it's not as easy as our parents led us to believe. So that's where I stand trying to figure out how to move this process along. I want a baby NOW!!! It was my decision to wait until I was a least half way through my master's program and I will be in June, but if we're not pregnant by Julyish then we have to take a three month break so I'm not SUPER pregnant for my sister's wedding next May and it's just come to my attention that my other sister is apparently getting married, but once again she decided not to share anything with I'm starting to take it personal, but first I'm going to talk to her about it before I put her on blast on this blog.

EDIT: it's not that she wasn't telling anyway she's trying to be sisterly and not take the other sister's spotlight. looks like i'll have another wedding to plan this time next year and this ones a destination wedding...ST.THOMAS watch out the dawson girls are coming to town.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Just Kidding

So I thought I'd do better but apparently not so much. Ehhhhh...oh well.

In other news... my sister's still pregnant, I'm still going strong with 'Bs' in Econ and Marketing and I'm done next week. I'm happy with 'Bs' sure and 'A' in Econ would have been nice but it's whateva.

We're working on the backyard this weekend excited and dreading it all at the same time. I'll be happy when it's done that's for sure.

My best friend has this weird ability to kind of know when someone is pregnant. She dreams about snakes and probably about 95% of the time it means someone she knows is pregnant. Unfortunately this time it's not me, but it might be her. She and her husband are trying for their 2nd. She's younger than I am but was ready for kids way before me. Here's hoping we wind up pregnant at the same time. We'd love for our kids to be best friends like we are and waht if we have a boy and girl and they get married, then we'd be related! But I'm but the cart before the horse...first we have to get KTFU!

Monday, March 9, 2009


Holy hell it's been almost three weeks since my last post...i'm such the slacker which was quite evident last nite by my marketing homework not being done until about 1030, my bed time's 10 i do get up at 430. Speaking of school I'm still carrying a 'B' in both classes two weeks left to go. I'm hopeful I can maintain or maybe even get the marketing, which is an 85, to an 'A'..fingers crossed.

In other exciting youngest sister is only 4 short weeks away from delivering my newest nephew and my other sister has begun the wedding planning. What an exciting time for my sisters and mom and me really.

As for me no news on the baby front, not that I'd be announcing it here before the 2nd trimester anyway. My best friend and her husband have decided they're going to start trying for their second so maybe we'll be pregnant together...that'd be cool.

It's slow as work this week, all the powers that be are at a meeting, so I'm sure I'll be updating on my mundane life everyday this week.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Today, Ash Wednesday, starts the 40 days of Lent. A time when Catholics prepare for the resurrection of Christ through prayer and fasting. I'm fasting today & going to Church. This year in an effort to test myself I've given up all unnecessary spending. This means no Starbuck's on Tuesdays before class, no shoes or purses just because I can. No lunches at work, no movies out, no sushi on grocery shopping weeks, nothing that will require me to spend money I don't need to. My reason for doing this is two fold. First the purpose of giving up something for Lent is to sacrafice something that you take for granted in life. My hemoragging of money, especially lately, is something I'd like to be more aware of. Which brings me to my second reason, I want to get out of debt! And I'm not always aware of the way I'm spending money, especially since I got my annual raise. So for the next 40 days, except for my visit to South Carolina to see my good friend Sarah, I'm going to live a low key, low maintenance life. We shall see how well I do. I have the utmost faith in myself. Come Easter I'll have something to be proud of myself for, among the many other things I'm proud of, and I'll beable to see the fruits of my sacrafice b/c my plan is when ever I want/need to buy something I'm going to round that amount to the nearst dollar and put it in savings. We shall see....

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I'm not oblivious of the fact that every family has dysfunction, but often time I look at my family and wonder how one family could be such a mess. And how out of that mess did I wind up the least bit messed up. Divorce is a part of our culture, people decide that the vows they took weren't that serious and just end thier marriage, it's not my job to judge their reasons. My parents divorced when I was 16, it broke my spirit more than anyone knows, but I trudged on. It was at that point that I realized I was a survivor and began to believe that, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." My sisters however didn't fair quite as well. Though they'd never admit it the divorce affected them in ways I don't even think they're aware of. There's is not my story to tell but I will say that slowly but surely, and not with out hurt to themselves, our family or others, they're getting themselves together and I couldn't be prouder. My little brother was also a casuality of the divorce, but not b/c of my parents (we don't even share a father) but because he came into a family that couldn't handle the responsibility off adding another spirit to nourish. Just recently this has become all to apparent. My brother has been stealing from all of us! It angers me b/c I gave him and out but it hurts me more b/c obviously he's screaming for attention. My mom, God love her, is tired wants to be a grandma not so much a mom. She let's him get away with murder and now those choices are coming to haunt her. My brother, regardless of what he does, is a good kid...he just makes very, very bad choices. I'm hoping with guidance and therapy and a little God in his life (I firmly believe Church would help him) that he'll find his way. He's only 11 and I refuse to give up on him b/c...What does not kill us, only makes us Stronger.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Pokey, Preggers and V-day

Well life's been a little hectic lately. Friday I was almost arrested for a hit and run...yup you read that right. Apparently some lady says I hit her and didn't stop. I'm sorry WHAT?! I'm the girl who goes back inside if she accidently forgets to pay for something, I seriously doubt I'd risk spending time in the pokey (I can make jokes and laugh about it now, but I wasn't laughing about it on Friday) for a hit and run. As of today nothing has been done, but the adjuster did come and look at the truck and got a good laugh out of my story. Glad I could amuse him.

Up until today I'd been home sick with the crud. I went to the dr's yesterday and she said she didn't see any infection but asked if I might be pregnant...anything's possible I guess, but since AF showded up about three hours later I doubt it. Now I'm back to work, for one day b/c friday's my day off and Monday's a holiday!

Hubz and I have decided for Valentine's Day we're going to stay and I'm gonna make dinner and then we're going to go see a movie. Very low key and honestly I don't mind. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a resturant and wait for hours to eat. This way I can have what I want, not that I'm sure what that is, and it'll cost me a quarter of the price.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Happy Day

Yesterday when I got home I checked the mail as I always do, hubz is physically incapable of doing this apparently, and was very surprised to find...a check for $2857. For what you ask? My financial aid covered more than necessary for this quarter so I got a big fat check! We're paying off a credit card! Which leaves two. The next will get paid off when we get our tax refund, thanks to buying our house we're getting a $7500 credit! Then we'll be down to one credit card, the truck, the mortgage and our timeshare. All I have to say is, Oh happy day. This means my goal to have two cards paid off before a baby is going to happen, I do love it when a plan comes together. Now this baby making thing doesn't stress me out so much. And if we're gonna get a check like that everytime I take classes....well let's just say we'll have that other credit card paid off in no time.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Nothing Really

I have nothing exciting to say really....such is the story of my life. Next weekend is Valentine's Day and looks like there'll be a whole lot of nothing going since hubz had to take the day off today b/c the step-son is "sick". This means we'll be missing a day of pay so I get to make up the difference in the mortgage, again, with my paycheck. So glad I got that raise. We're going to try and refi in a few months. After we get our tax check we want to get one credit card payoff and another paid down some, to hopefully help with bringing down our intrest rate...fingers crossed. Schools going a little better than expected, I think I have a 'B' in Econ! and I'm less than one point from a 'B' in Marketing. I'm hoping my paper this week will help me bring that grade up to a 'B'.

Monday, February 2, 2009

25 Random Things (as posted on Facebook)

1. My biggest fear is failing at my marriage.

2. Until my little brother was born I didn't want any kids. Now I want 4!

3. My parent's divorce broke my spirit and my nana's death took my faith. It took going to school in Florida to get them both back.

4. I 100% believe that Curtis is the love of my life. We're so different but he balances me. Not to mention he made one of my bestest friends my sister.

5. I'm quite the shoe and purse whore. So much so that as soon as we're out of debt I'm going shopping and I'm willing to spend $400 on a diaper bag just to have a Coach bag!

6. I have the unfortunat character flaw of being brutally honest. My honesty has caused me to lose friends so I'm slowly learning that sometimes honesty may not be the best policy.

7. My sisters make me more and more proud of them everyday. They're proof that a stong will and determination can get you anywhere in life.

8. I miss my friends from high school and college. Growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be.

9. I have no regrets about the things I've done in my life. They've made me the person I am.

10. I miss college and wish that I got to see my Tampa girls more, not just for our weddings.

11. If I didn't have to work I'd be a wedding/party planner. I'm convinced that it's my calling.

12. While I don't have a problem with authority I do have a problem with people telling me I can't do something. Tell me I can't and I'll prove I can, just as the lady at the bridal boutique I went to this weekend.

13. I LOVE STARBUCKS. I realize that $4 for a coffee is absurd, but I just can't help it.

14. Even after we have kids Curtis and I will still vacation just the two of us. It's good for our relationship and my sanity, sometimes you just need a break.

15. It's so true that your friends are the family you pick and sometimes if you're lucky your friends really do become your family.

16. My best friend Mandy is moving sometime this year and not having her as an integral part of my life scares the bejesus out of me. I've always been the one to go away so I don't know how to adjust to her being the one going away.

17. Though I want kids I'm scared that I won't be a good mom.

18. It takes a special person to be step-parent and most days I don't think I'm that person but I continue to get up every morning and do the best I can.

19. I'm proud to say I voted for Barack Obama and that part of the reason I did it was because he's black (really bi-racial just like me!). I love that one day I really can tell my kids they can be anything they want, including Pesident of the USA, regardless of the color of thier skin.

20. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so independent. I realize it comes off as snobish but the truth of the matter is you can't really trust people until they give you a reason to.

21. I'm Catholic and pro-choice. And while I know these are two things at odds with each other I believe that God gave us free choice so that we can make the choice that's best for us and that in the end only He can decide if that choice makes you a bad person.

22. I want to die having sex!

23. Buying our house is my greatest accomplishment so far in life.

24. If someone had told me I'd be married by 26 I'd have laughed in thier face. But as they say the best laid plans....

25. Though I hate to admit it I'm a type A personality, except on vacation, I need to have a plan even if that plan doesn't work out the way I like.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Not so much...

I thought I was doing okay in marketing. Apparently not so much. After two weeks I have a 76, that's a 'C'! Sure it's only four points away from a 'B' but it's still a 'C'. My goal this week: To get my four points so I can have 'B'. Too bad I don't know what I'm getting in econ although I'm sure I don't want to know. But how bad could it be when we've only turned in one assignment?

That is all I have for now. Maybe I'll have more positive thoughts later.

Friday, January 23, 2009


I mentioned last week that I was taking two classes this quarter, marketing and economics. Well, after two weeks marketing is pretty much smooth sailing but economics is already killing me! I just have to struggle through and hope for a 'B'. However, I am completely and totally overwhelmed! When I first decided to go back to school hubz and I had a talk about how he'd have to do more, some quarters more than other, so that I could focus on school. Now here I am already two weeks in and I got nothing. He comes home and pretty much goes straight to play with his PS3. While I'm trying to study, do homework, cook dinner, take care of dogs and prodd the step-son to do the things he needs to do. God for bid I should say something because then he blows up about how he's such a crappy husband. WHAT?! I'm sorry that I thought you were actually going to pull some extra weight so I could do this thing that's so very important to me. I'm sorry that it's inconvient for you to get your son to be more responsible for himself and his life and to do things like take out the garbage without constantly being reminded or to put your fricking dishes in the dishwasher! I do the laundry, cook dinner, pay the bills, do the taxes and whatever else needs to done and most weeks I do it without complaint, except for laundry b/c I HATE laundry! I just need a little help. Is that really to much to ask? Last time I checked I wasn't the only one living in the house. There was another adult and an almost 10 year old, but he can't do hardly anything unless someone tells him and then when he does he wants you to throw him a damn party. I don't understand kids today. When I was his age I could already do my own laundry, was sharing all household chores with my 8 year old sisters and by the time I turned 11 I had cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner, long story for another day. What the hell, why's it so hard to clean your room, vacume, clean the bathrooms and sweep/mop? It's not brain surgery! Kids today have no responsibility they think things are just suppose to be handed to them and people are suppose to take care of them forever....yeah keep dreaming on that.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A New Day

Yesterday was a BIG day, not only because I got my dining room painted, but because the United States inagurated it's first African American, well bi-racial, President. I watched on tv as a dream was realized. Never have I been more proud to be an American.

Hubz tends to tell my I'm a pessimist but I like to say I'm a realist. It's this realist attitude that allows me to realize that President Obama isn't going to be able to turn around the state of our nation in one day, one week, one month or even one year. It's going to take time and patience on the part of the American people and the President as well. We didn't get into the crisis over nite and it won't be fixed over nite. I'm hopful that the change that was promised in the months leading up to the election will be forth coming and that with that change we will have a stronger America.

I leave you with the final words from President Obama's Inagural Address:
"America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations. "

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

School, Hubz, House & LIfe

I started back to school last nite. I'm taking two classes this quarter, Marketing and Economics. Not to worried about the Marketing class but Economics may kill me but we'll see.

While I'm happy that hubz loves the Christmas present I got him, the PS3, I wish that he'd not let it monopolize so much of his time, especially now that I'm back in school. The step-son's room isn't finished, it's done being painted but he's still not moved into it. I need some paperwork so I can finish our taxes and the house is a frickin mess! However, he's playing stupid video games pretty much with all his free time. I don't understand why he'll help me out for a while just to placate me but then it's back to the same ol' same ol'. Please!!! for the LOVE OF GOODNESS be a team player! There are so many hours in the day for me to cook, clean, work-out do homework and take care of the 17 million other things that need to be done.

As previously mentioned the house is a mess. I'm hoping to get the dining room painted this long 5-day weekend because then that'll take care of a little more of the clutter. We'll see though.

Life is busy as usual. We're gearing up for the step-son's schedule to get busy again with cub scouts, RCIC and a spring sport. Add that to my already busy schedule and hubz busy schedule of video games and you could just call my life an amusement park! However, I do better when I'm busy, at least for a while, now if I could just get hubz to get with the program to make everything run smoothly.

Monday, January 5, 2009

New Year, New Me

So I'm always making resolutions that I don't keep and just yesterday I broke a promise, not so much a resolution, I made to not get angry with hubz for flaws I already knew about before we got married. I realize it's counterproductive. I knew before we got married that he's not that he's not the most helpful around the house and that our priorities may not always jive when it comes to certain things, but I also know that, for the most part, when it comes to the important things we are on the same page and on the things we may not agree on eventually we can come to some sort of compromise that makes both of us happy, to an extent. I knew marriage wasn't easy and I knew that since we chose to live together, though I wrestled with this for over a year, that the beginning years would be extra tough but I also know that I'm not a quiter and that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Also, I firmly believe that God does not give us what we can't handle and that divorce is not an option. So we'll muttle through and figure it out. Besides we're survivors hubz and I there hasn't been anything that's been thrown at us that we haven't been able to figure out together and we'll do the same thing with this marriage thing.

Onto my resolution:
I resolve to finally lose those damn 15 lbs, to get my life in order and be happy with where I'm at, to make a bigger effort to visit my dad and spend time with my sisters at least once a month or so and to strengthen my marriage because I know that 10 years from now that being with hubz is the only place I want to be.

Holiday/New Year Recap

Since I haven't updated since before Christmas this will be a quick recap of our holidays.

Christmas was great. We spent most of the day at home and the step-son actually got to enjoy his toys. I got to enjoy my brand new kitchn aid mixer and play with my GPS, hubz takes such good care of me. Hubz was excited by his Authentic Wes Welker jersey and the vintage Risk & Stratego games I got him. We had dinner at my mom's with my family and though there's too many of us for it to be relaxing it was fun. My family's loud and obnoxious but I love them all the same. Hubz was especially excited when he got his PS3. I found out about a two weeks before Christmas that he was 95% sure he was getting it so to throw him off the trail I hid it and all the stuff at my mom's house so he didn't get it until Christmas nite. His reaction was priceless.

A few days before Christmas we decided to have our annual New Year's Party, we weren't going to because the house just isn't ready for a party but we made do. As usual it was a success and I drank way to much. I was so proud of hubz though because he didn't throw up, which is like is own personal tradition for New Year's. We spent all day New Year's Day in the bed until about 530 when we decided we were starving and the kitchen was a mess so we went to dinner.

All in all the holidays were fantastic! More than the presents I loved that this year we spent the holidays in OUR home. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! To resolutions!

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