Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lessons Learned

While my year in review is still being formulated I realized there's something else that has happened to me that's not necessarily fit for my year in reveiw. This year, with the lenght of time it's taking us to get pregnant, I've learned that sometimes even the most welling meaning family and friends just have no idea what it's like to what a baby so bad and not be able to make it happen. Most of the women in my family and hubz' family have or have had kids and with no problems making it happen. So while they mean well with their words of wisdom and what not they just have no clue! No clue how it feels month in and month out to know the tell tell signs of AF arrival. How after a while you start actually feeling a bit of relife when AF does come because it puts you one month closer to the year mark when you can start trying to get some answers. How every time a friend or family member tells you they're pregnant you smile like your suppose and congratulate them all while another little piece of your heart breaks.

Somthing else I've learned that a good cry does a lot to help you move onto the next month. I use to throw week long pity parties, but now the day I know AF is here I have a good cry throw my pity party and move on because like people are constantly reminding there's not really much I can do about it. I can't wish AF back to pits of hell or hate myself anymore than I already do for this continuous failure.

By far the biggest lesson I've learned this year, the last 10 months really, is that my need for control is totally relenquished when it comes to making this happen, OBVIOUSLY otherwise it'd already be a done deal. I have no say in if and when it will happen, as much as it chaps my ass! So month after month I just sit back and watch as my hopes and dreams of a family get pushed back into the future further and further.

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