I just read a post on Facebook from the dad of a little girl that passed away in September from cancer, she was 5. He talked about not taking people and life for granted. It got me thinking about the people and things in my life I take for granted. If you always assume that someone or something is always going to be there will you ever take the time to appreciate what they bring into your life?
Lately, I've been very frustrated (although I'm not sure that's the right word) with the state of my life. It's not so much work, but my personal life. I feel like I'm living my life alone and not in the partnership that I though I was suppose to have. Then it gets me thinking, am I expecting too much? I grew up in a family where my mom was the one doing it all and my dad was just kind of there, at least that's how it seemed to me, and now I feel like I'm living that same life. This isn't the life I thought I was getting but I guess I've allowed it to be that way. Then I read the words of this grieving father and think while I am surely being taken for granted I am also doing the taking for granted. So my thought is maybe if I appreciate the things that are getting done, even if they're small and not the way I'd do them, then maybe the appreciation will be payed forward.
I once read some where that you can't control the behaviors and actions of others, you can only control your own behaviors and actions. This is so true! I can only change the way I've been acting and hope that my behavior leads to changes in others. I don't expect perfect I just want content. I want to feel like I'm not carrying this extremely heavy, awkward load by myself. I want to know that I can count on someone to be there when I stumble and lately that's not what it feels like. Lately, it feels like it's just me, all alone left to battle life on my own with all the responsibilities that being a grown-up brings with it.
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