Reflecting

As I was putting my nap resistant almost one year old down this afternoon I had a little flash back of this time last year.  I would have never guessed that two weeks later I would be a Momma, although Hubz knew all along, and I would experience the most all encompassing love I have ever known.  I also didn't realize that merely three days later that same sweet little bundle would spend 10 days in the hospital and for the entire 10 days and for months after I would be holding my breath waiting.

My life has definitely not taken the path I thought it would.  After my parents separated when I was a teenager I swore to never get married or have children.  I mean why would I when there was no guarantee that marriage would/could last and then when/if it didn't the kids were the ones that suffered.  Then God proved He had a sense of humor and reminded me that He has a plan better than my own, and brought Hubz into my life. I won't say I was a goner right away, I fought my feelings for him with every fiber of my being, but to no avail since the Man Upstairs had a plan.  While Hubz and I both come from divorced parents, his more than mine, that's about where our similarities end.  We're different in so many ways and most days it makes being married to each other exhausting but hey nothing worth having is ever easy.  We both went into this marriage with the agreement and understanding that divorce is not an option and that throwing the 'D' word around is unacceptable.  We fight, we're both very stubborn and strong willed, and sometimes we even go to bed angry but we both know when it comes down to it that it's us against the world.

Also, not on my path, but apparently in the Big Man's plans, was kids. They cry, are needy and require way more of my personal time then I want to give or so I thought.  Then something happened about 2 years after we were married, actually probably sooner than that I was just finally ready after 2 years, I wanted ... no NEEDED a baby.  However, apparently I was quite as ready as I thought because it took us almost 12 months to get KTFU and when I finally did I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO  sick but I wouldn't have changed it for anything because 8.5 months later I had this little man who even on his whiniest, neediest of days is still the light of my life.

Lately, when I find myself reflecting, normally it happens when I'm nursing Bean to sleep, I smile at the unexpected path my life has taken.  Because while it may not have been my plan it was always God's plan.