Thursday, October 23, 2008


My thoughts have been a jumble lately so this post in my attempt to get them out then maybe I can get them organized.

1. Why do I feel the need to have control of everything in my life and but not really be in control? My house is a mess, I have two dogs, a 9 y/o step-son and a husband that's like a child. Getting control of my life is just not an option if I have no support. I feel like I'm drowning and I just continue to get in further above my head.

2. Sometimes I wonder if I should see a shrink. I often wonder if I suffer from depression or something b/c while I'm no always sad I'm never truly happy. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not where I thought I'd be at 8 days shy of 27. I was suppose to be finished with law school, working 50 hour weeks, married and enjoying being a newlywed. I guess it all goes back to #1 and my lack of control in my life.

3. I've been a member of my current church for as long as I've lived in VA, so 16 years almost, but recently I've been very unhappy with it. I'm thinking about changing churches and it scares me.

4. I want a baby like yesterday but b/c of my need to control things and the fact that we have so much debt this won't be happening for a least another year. I never thought I'd have kids and now....I sure could use that money tree.

5. I hate my job, not the people I work with (although I do have a strong dislike for one and am aggevated often by another). I wish I could be a professional wedding planner, but this just isn't realistic so I suffer through.

6. I wish that all the wonderful ladies I had in my life 5 years ago in college were closer, especially April, Cheronda, Linds, Sarah and Brooke. 5 very different ladies that I all helped me not only survive college but enjoy it. I talk to the first four every once in a while, but not nearly enough. Unfortunately Brooke and I have kind of lost touch. She's busy with her new life and I'm happy for her but I wish I could be a part of it just a little.

7. HOORAY!!! We finally have heat.

What a downer post! I'll try to come up with happy thoughts for later.

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